I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
