eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
