He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my shit smells like andre
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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