when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
