I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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