Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
