ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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