doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
