So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
