i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You took a bar mat shot.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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