Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
