fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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