just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
