Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
