That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
