He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
