Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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