her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
