oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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