Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There was a lot of him and a little penis
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
