You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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