btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
