____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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