I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
