none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
