I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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