my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
