why didn't you poke me back
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
