remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
