I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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