walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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