I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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