Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
