my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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