I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
