There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
