his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No I am not eating basil off your cock
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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