Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
