My Higher Power is John Stamos
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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