Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
