so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
