She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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