I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
