I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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