we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
