I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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