You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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