How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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