I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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