So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
