People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sext me about skeletons
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
