Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
