hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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